Originally Posted by Lila
He feels that he is half dead and needs other forms of emotional expression, to start living again, to have a relationship with someone who is dynamic and fiery and bubbly etc. He said something had to change and asked what would I consider, either polyamory, or living separate lives in the same house, or divorce.
He was even wondering why I objected so much to the possibility of someone else moving into our home....I mean, he's already talking as though it's such an obvious solution (for him!)
Nyc sure hit the nail on the head with the "relationship broken, add more people" saying, unfortunately. :/
He has no idea the trouble he's heading for. Or maybe he does but just doesn't care at this point? Probably a mixture of both. Couples counseling is very much the way to go here, maybe also individual therapy for him ("half dead" sounds like more than a midlife crisis, it sounds like depression).
He needs to understand that this will not work unless he's willing to reinvest in his relationship with you. Trust, communication, and a strong foundation have to come first, otherwise it'll be loads of drama and woe, not the fun and carefree experience he seems to be imagining. Obviously there's a major communication gap here -- if he's been feeling this way for "quite a while" he should have said something to you earlier. But, I'll cut the guy a little slack, at least he didn't just cheat on you. Hopefully there *is* something to salvage here, but yeesh, the ultimatum... worst possible way to bring it up, dude.
And as for the idea of a new woman moving in, how the hell does he imagine that being a comfortable situation for her if you're miserable??? I won't even begin to get into the myriad other complexities involved in that sort of decision, but suffice to say the stars have to align, you can't just plan for it from the start. He really really needs to spend more than a single day investigating this topic.
Did I mention counseling? Counseling counseling counseling. There are "poly friendly" counselors out there if he won't consider it because he assumes the counselor will take your side just because poly is not a mainstream idea.
And I'm so sorry about your baby's condition.