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Old 12-07-2011, 05:49 AM
Lila Lila is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 18
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Hi,

Thanks for responding, I know him well. Once he gets a bee in his bonnet he just won't let it go. The discussion went like this, he said, "Today I found a word for what I've been searching for, what I've been needing and feeling for quite a while. I've sent you some links to read." He wanted to discuss it after I'd read the links but I pushed him for a discussion because I knew of the word polyamory already (my worst nightmare!)

He feels that he is half dead and needs other forms of emotional expression, to start living again, to have a relationship with someone who is dynamic and fiery and bubbly etc. He said something had to change and asked what would I consider, either polyamory, or living separate lives in the same house, or divorce. I don't want any of the above! I said I wanted to work really hard on our marriage.

I asked if he would at least wait until our baby is born (April) before making any moves and he agreed. I told him I feel vulnerable right now and have enough on my plate (baby has not developed left or right brain hemisphere - trisomy 13 genetic disorder, unlikely to be born alive).

Anyway, I said I can't agree to this right now because then what would be your incentive to work on OUR relationship? NONE!

I don't know how much research he's done, just what he looks up while at work. I think he's just focused on the benefits to himself and decided in his head that I "shouldn't want to keep him on a leash like a puppy" which I do not! I'm happy for him to have female friends, I just don't want to share intimately.

He was even wondering why I objected so much to the possibility of someone else moving into our home....I mean, he's already talking as though it's such an obvious solution (for him!)

Personally I think it's a mid life crisis - he HATES his job, it's very unfulfilling and he's looking for satisfaction elsewhere (he has already bought the electric guitar!) He feels really bound by his current commitments, mortgage, bills etc. Realistically, I have no idea where he would fit in another partner as he constantly complains about being so time poor....even though he only works a 4 day week.

Agh! Just shoot me now!

PS. the other post didn't have a "reply button"...not sure how to respond. Hope I have answered everything here...
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