I would add that he's on OkCupid with a blip about being in an open relationship and being able to see people on his own (which is not something we had discussed and before the negotiations which clearly got out of control, wasn't something that was without limits). So he's representing himself to others AS if he were poly, but then throwing me at girls afterwards. Which I'm sure I wouldn't appreciate if I were them.
So another issue here I think is that he tells me I'm keeping tally, but really he's using what I've done (with his foreknowledge and enthusiastic permission) as a way to tell me that I should take what ever he does without issue. And that since 'in practice' so far, he's not dating girls on his own, I should just be fine with not knowing what he wants to do because I should trust him. But he just showed that I can't trust him to tell me things before he does them. And that clearly I can't trust him to communicate clearly his desires with me so that I even know that he wants to do something roughly before he does it.
I also can't trust him to actually want to play with just me sometimes, he doesn't usually think he'll enjoy it until he's doing it. Which confuses me, because it was my understanding that we are interested in the same things. So unless he's not telling me basic things about what he likes, it stands to reason that he doesn't think he'll enjoy playing with me. Which besides the whole "I'll date 6 nights a week if allowed", the thought that he doesn't want to play with me and doesn't enjoy it really quite hurts.
We'll see how another discussion goes - he's on travel this week, so tonight I'll see a shared partner to go to a movie and a drink. I'm trying desperately not to dump our drama on her.