Hmm, this really isn't about poly, is it? This sounds more like a situation in which BDSM agreements are not being kept or negotiated, but I don't see anything here related to loving polyamorous relationships. It's all about negotiating sex.
It sounds like communication is a big issue between you. You both seem to have a lot of pent-up feelings that are not being expressed in a productive way. Maybe a kink-friendly therapist can help you two? It seems like it is super frustrating and detrimental to continue as you have been - you are both going around in circles.
The world opens up... when you do.
Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Last edited by nycindie; 12-06-2011 at 10:17 PM.