I'm an eldest and feel similarly to you. Though I don't get help from my mother out of choice. She's terrible at helping. But either way, my life ended up being messed up because of the way I brought myself up.
I have been working for a long time on myself, resolving anger and jealousy and other terrible emotions. Doing very well at it too. I keep my emotions under large amounts of control without a lot of effort.
The key for me, is just understanding what needs to change. It's fair enough saying, oh I'm depressed, I should just be happy!... But that doesn't work. You have to see why you're depressed, and solve THAT. It may not and probably won't be any single thing either. But you will see change if you just take it one step at a time. Don't throw yourself into trying to fix everything at once.
The hard part for me to describe, is HOW you fix a problem. Without knowing what the problems are that cause these things, it's hard for me to really have a starting point.
I could perhaps help you with an example though.
I have [and I'm still working on this] been a huge control freak through my life. I like to control my own destiny as it were. Unfortunately, you can't do that by changing other people. It's like trying to swim through a brick wall, when what you really need to be doing, is just letting the river determine which direction you go. Rather than being around people you feel you have to change, be around people you love for who they are.
I use this as an example, because it is a point I'm at personally. But I hope it can at least help you find your path into helping yourself.
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