When he laughed I said I hated him and he laughed, probably in disbelief. So I said Fuck you. I think I got to hurting him a bit because he was actually not smiling. I spoke, my voice breaking, tears falling, looking him in the eye. I said how it hurt. That he was like everyone else in my life. Hurting me. He was like every other guy. He didn't deserve B's love. Always she loves him. Even when he's cheated. Like with me. Then bringing me into their relationship. THEIR EXISTING RELATIONSHIP. That I didn't even know about. Then I said we both didn't deserve her. Then she said that he was like L, not caring about hurting me. That hurt him. He broke down a bit. She tried but he clammed up then. I sat the entire time letting her give her attention all to him. Him. her and him. She got quiet giving up some. I tried. I leaned close. Talking to him. It worked a bit. He said he was just an asshole and didn't deserve us, but he was weird with it. But I said I never said those words. I said I was hurt and frustrated because I swore I would never go through this again. I could leave. That I thought he didn't care enough to keep us. B got frustrated I gave him the attention and walked out. I continued talking to him. I was frustrated she walked out because it was getting better.
Okay I'm tired and work soon, with few hours of sleep.
But I fear forgetting some.
Well anyways he said he was truly sorry and hated hurting me and her. He said he did want us. I said this was his only chance. I cuddled up to him. He touched me softly. I loved it. I felt better. I knew I was probably being stupid. That he didn't deserve another chance. I have poor service in my apartment so B and I were texting slowly. I told her not to go. I begged. She said if we really didn't want her to go we would have stopped her. But I was upset she even fucking left. It wasn't right of her. She let her jealousies get the best of her. I hate that. So T and I ended up having sex... whoops. I shouldn't have. I said I couldn't. But we did. We got done and I was finding a towel to clean up. I was naked. B walked in. B knew right away. She went ballistic. She screamed she hated us. She went out the door. I got dressed and tried to cater to him and then before I could go to her she came in. Her arms were cut to hell and back. Nothing serious. Not superficial, but not deep. I looked away. T looked disgusted, shocked. I grabbed the towel. I wrapped it around her arms. She kept yelling we were disgusting, that she hated us. She deserved to for sure.
I deserved it, he did too.
I grabbed her arms. I wrapped them and wouldn't let go. She screamed and demanded I let go. I wouldn't. T didn't do much. He got dressed. I helped stop her arms bleeding and wouldn't let her hit her head against the wall. She yelled she hated living. That she wanted to die.
T didn't do anything still. Not one fucking word. He sat on the edge of the bed after she demanded so. She came over to hit yelled, and slapped him hard. He did deserve it. I stood there. That wasn't my place. I thought she'd turn and hit me too. I wasn't worth that to her.* I wanted to get hit. She didn't. He got up and walked towards the door. She got in his way. He got by. They went into the hall. Maybe I should have? She made me feel excluded with her rage and anger. I feared getting in the way and pissing them both off. I went back and cleaned up some. I finally went into the hall because I heard them getting loud and lots of struggling. There are cameras and I have plenty of neighbors. I feared them getting into trouble. I walked down one flight. I didn't see them, down a flight more, and just heard loud breathing. I just honestly thought maybe it was loud angry makeouts. So I walked back up. I started cleaning up again. Until I heard the front hall door slam. So I went down. I saw B's glasses on the floor. I picked them up on the landing. I walked down. She was getting up from the floor on the main floor. I handed her her glasses. She went out the door. I followed. I couldn't go out, having no shoes. So I just yelled from the doorway that B needed to come back. T was already putting things in his car. He got in. She stood behind the car. I yelled that he would just drive forward. He did. She sat in the snow, no actual coat. I came out to her. No shoes. Walking in the snow. I wanted to show her I did care. But my feet got cold and she wouldn't listen. I went in to get shoes. She was behind me. She went in the bedroom and sat against the wall. I got my first aid kit to take care of her cuts. I did against her will. She called her friend saying she needed help and that she wanted me to get away. I didn't care I needed to care for her wounds. She finally got overwhelmed with crying she gave up on the phone. I finished bandaging her arms. I sat on the bed. She asked for space. I didn't want to leave her alone. Even if that's what she had wanted, I wouldn't do that.
Me = needing self help