Originally Posted by twinmommy123
I know I don't own my husband but there is still a part of me that feels like he should only want to be with me (stupid cultural/societal norms).
So I am wondering. is there a part of you that feels like you should only want to be with him? I wouldn't find that so odd if you didn't have one night a week with her alone, where I assume you aren't thinking you should be with your husband instead?
Since you are OK with them doing things when you aren't home - have you considered just...taking the plunge, letting it happen when they have their next night together, and then dealing with it? It just seems that if you've been trying to work up to this for awhile, and the situation is going to cause stress for quite a bit longer before you might get comfortable...a lot of misery is being prolonged when you don't want it to be. I can even imagine that the sexual tension between them would get worse over time, and they would be tempted to overstep boundaries due to frustration at some point. Is there a chance you're testing them to see if they care enough about you to behave?
You could always try something like just biting the bullet, telling them to go ahead and have sex, but ask your husband come back to your bed the first night at some point to hold and comfort you and reassure you that you're still loved. I might not suggest this if it was a new relationship, but after a year, I think I might try that if I were in your place.