You might want to read this thread http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...580#post114580
at around page 8 and 9 and any other threads tagged "pacing"
I realize this is really hard for you. I can completely empathize, as can many people here. Many of us are saying it like it is because we have been in the place of any of you in this dynamic. Please realize that the push to come clean comes from compassion. It is almost always the best solution. To me its the best solution in your scenario. I feel for you. I know how crippling it can be to realize what you've done and having to now come clean about it.