As for all the things I had written. It doesn't matter now.
It's over. Last night was the worst.
I'm trying to pretend it's okay. I have to be strong for B. I bitched so much about her. I was just so frustrated. It wasn't right. I love her and she's gone through a lot and I've hurt her. I wish she'd move on. She loves me, and I love her. I'm not worth her time though. I hurt her so much.
Last night it was our night all alone. The night before T didn't stay... whatever. Fuck him, I'll get to that. He didn't stay and I instead celebrated L's birthday with him and my roommate Cory.
So the beginning. The day started out well together. My family took me to eat breakfast. We got along well, last week we weren't getting along at all. I tried calling my father last Monday because I was depressed and stressed. He just chastised me instead of comforting me. Thanks dad, kick me while I'm down
So I was very upset now. So I called my sister to see if i could come sleep on her couch. She was sleeping and said I'd just be a bitch when she needed to wake me... So I hung up my phone and just shut it off. They got worried but I was so upset and I had needed them.
Anyways we got along okay at lunch. So then we went to the mall to get my nephew to take pictures with Santa.
B and T came. I asked B what she wanted for Christmas. She said she wanted me to tell my family about us. I agreed. My family isn't too open about things like this, but they'd been asking questions. I was not caring about how they would treat me, they've been rotten in the past. I said I would. I was so happy. She and I took pictures with Santa. It was so awesome.
T wasn't talking much, being himself. We went and got groceries so B could make us dinner. I talked to B about things I had felt but hid in fear of getting hurt. I asked B if she thought we were going to be a permanent thing. She thought/hoped so. I did too. She asked him. He said yes. I talked to her about how I had been reading about successful poly relationships. Some that even included children. I told her maybe we could all be like that someday because sometimes I wanted children. I knew she did. T didn't want to talk about it in public. We didn't talk to him about the family thing. We talked about how it would be easier for us all if we lived in an apartment together. I wanted this, but feared it being too soon. We'd only be a successful poly couple for a month.