I have been in a great marriage for the past 7 years, my husband and I were together for 5 years before that. We've gone through a deployment separation together, the birth of twin girls who are now 2.5 years old and have been in an open marriage since last August. We currently live with our mutual girlfriend of about a year.
My question is this: How do other couples work out their rules when it comes to intimacy and being with your other partners? Currently my husband and I each spend one night a week with our girlfriend in her room. My husband is fine with my doing whatever I'd like with her but I can't seem to return the favor. I want to be able to because I want them both to be happy, and that is what part of being in an open relationship is, but all sorts of insecurities start creeping up in me when it's their sleepover night and I'm left to ponder that I must not be enough for him if he's off with somebody else. But logically I know that I am and I'm just so frustrated with myself that I can't get past these feelings. I'm perfectly okay with them doing whatever they want if I'm not home, which is why I'm feeling so stuck.
Currently we have it worked out that I have to come up with something that I'm okay with them doing one week at a time to hopefully ease myself into them being fully intimate but it's still a hard thing to let go of. I know I don't own my husband but there is still a part of me that feels like he should only want to be with me (stupid cultural/societal norms).
Has anyone else ever felt this way? Any tips on how to get over the anxiety that I know isn't really there?