Thread: Problem people
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Old 12-05-2011, 06:05 PM
kamala kamala is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
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Minxxa, we are essentially in agreement. My irritation, like I said, is mainly with the way the article explains itself.

There's a big difference between:

"hey, I really have feelings for this person, but they are not in a position to be in a healthy relationship and I choose not to move any further for now."

and

"You are a problem person. Your unhealthiness is a threat to me. You are insecure/manipulative/sad/broken/other pejorative and I won't tolerate it"

The real challenge is balancing compassion and respect for a person's personal journey with protecting yourself.

I just see so many people reading this and being like "uh huh my ex was totally a sociopath... totally agree... those people are crazy! I'm so glad that I'm smart and sane enough to avoid ever being like that!"

I'm a strong proponent of looking at connections and relationships rather than individuals, who never act in a vacuum. I guess one of the reasons I had such a strong reaction to this is because it reminds me of a really unhappy, really unhealthy (ex) friend of mine who was probably Borderline and used to bitch non-stop about the many ways in which everyone was out to get her, how they had hurt her, done her wrong etc etc. She, too, had a comprehensive list of "bad people" and all the ways that they are wrong. I think it's easy: you don't need a thousand different synonyms to explain bad behaviour in people. Saying "oh watch out for THESE types of people" etc is a bit naive and not really seeing the bigger picture. I think it's a more telling question, and more difficult, to ask yourself how you function in the world, and how you could do it better. Other people's supposed dysfunction is not your concern.
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