Thread: Problem people
View Single Post
Old 12-05-2011, 06:05 PM
kamala kamala is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Deepest Darkest
Posts: 51

Minxxa, we are essentially in agreement. My irritation, like I said, is mainly with the way the article explains itself.

There's a big difference between:

"hey, I really have feelings for this person, but they are not in a position to be in a healthy relationship and I choose not to move any further for now."


"You are a problem person. Your unhealthiness is a threat to me. You are insecure/manipulative/sad/broken/other pejorative and I won't tolerate it"

The real challenge is balancing compassion and respect for a person's personal journey with protecting yourself.

I just see so many people reading this and being like "uh huh my ex was totally a sociopath... totally agree... those people are crazy! I'm so glad that I'm smart and sane enough to avoid ever being like that!"

I'm a strong proponent of looking at connections and relationships rather than individuals, who never act in a vacuum. I guess one of the reasons I had such a strong reaction to this is because it reminds me of a really unhappy, really unhealthy (ex) friend of mine who was probably Borderline and used to bitch non-stop about the many ways in which everyone was out to get her, how they had hurt her, done her wrong etc etc. She, too, had a comprehensive list of "bad people" and all the ways that they are wrong. I think it's easy: you don't need a thousand different synonyms to explain bad behaviour in people. Saying "oh watch out for THESE types of people" etc is a bit naive and not really seeing the bigger picture. I think it's a more telling question, and more difficult, to ask yourself how you function in the world, and how you could do it better. Other people's supposed dysfunction is not your concern.
Reply With Quote