Thread: Curious in NH
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  #17  
Old 05-17-2009, 06:27 AM
Goldhart23 Goldhart23 is offline
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: New Hampshire, USA
Posts: 10
Default More than a thank you...

Hi and thank you Mono!

Yes, I don't want him to just go along with it, either. I'm trying to make him understand that I have no intention of leaving him, but he's still afraid another guy will "sweep me away."

I suggested that he could also have another girlfriend, but he says he's not interested. However, he had no problem stepping out of our relationship 3 years ago behind my back when another girl showed interest, so I think it's possible this could happen again with him. Only now he wouldn't have to hide it from me. Question is--would he be honest with me this time?

Back then, he also didn't want to lose me, so he didn't tell me until I found obvious clues what was going on. It hurt when I found out, but I decided that maybe he needed to do this for his own happiness...and as a growth experience (he hadn't had many women in his life). I was willing to stay with him while he went through this experience. He ended up leaving her after nearly a year. Now, he says he wants to stay with me through my experience because I didn't leave him back then, and because he loves me.

But he does feel somewhat hurt that I am physically with someone else. I think that's because he seems unable or unwilling to make love to me anymore. I've tried to figure out why not (i.e., he suffers from life-long depression but is not on medication; I had spine surgery 2 yrs. ago), but it seems if he were willing, he'd find a way. (When I ask him why not, he says he doesn't know). Anyway, it does make me wonder--am I really living polyamorously by loving and being physical with another man while still loving my boyfriend...or is my need for physical intimacy (denied me for the last 2 years) driving me to seek someone else out? I am in love with the other guy, so it seems like Polyamory, but I'm so new to this, I'm not sure what to call it (and is it still Polyamory when there is no sex with one of them?) I just know I love these two guys...but in different ways.
I just want to make sure I'm living with integrity. Any opinions on this?

*Barb*

Last edited by Goldhart23; 05-17-2009 at 06:32 AM.
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