Thread: New to poly
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Old 05-17-2009, 04:46 AM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 346

Ok guys, new problem...I apologize in advance for it's length but felt the details needed to be conveyed......I have a wife in the bedroom downstairs and my other is in bed I am at midnight on a perfectly good Saturday night tapping away on this keyboard.......instead of making love to one of these beautiful women.

Why is it the more we communicate, the more confused everyone seems to become? Last week our 3rd, my secondary (and btw, I really don't like that term) was having a rough week emotionally. It was centered around her not having her fair share of time (evenings upstairs alone) with me. She also revealed that not knowing which evenings were "ours" increased her anxiety levels, affected her sleep, etc. All valid points. Of course my wife has some of these same anxieties.

We all 3 talked for quite a while.....I thought we came away from that meeting with the understanding that every other night would be my others. I thought that,...... my other thought that.....problem was my wife never got that memo, or maybe just didn't hear it. How?.... I still don't know. It made for an awkward next night where my wife and I spent some quality time with family and that evening I went upstairs as I expected as it was my "others" night. I could tell my wife was taken aback by that, but I thought and my other thought that was the agreement.

The next day became increasingly awkward. Things deteriorated and another meeting was held wherein my wife stated she didn't know we had come to this agreement. She was distant and upset. She thought we were still going to take things slow and let the nights fall where they may rather than sticking to a firm plan. I know we didn't come away from that meeting with having solved the issue permanently but I thought we all decided to sort of scrap the plan for now and go back to playing it by ear every night. Somehow, this was the feeling my other got from the meeting also.

Now my other is stating she can't deal with not knowing which nights are hers and to just let her know when my wife and I sort it out. (she is very fearful of hurting my wife, her best friend) She feels torn at hurting my wife and torn at not knowing which nights are hers. She doesn't handle this type of emotional strife well...but who does?

To top it off, as my wife was going to bed tonight, she was surprised that I joined her since she somehow thought tonight was my assigned night upstairs. As Lewis Black would say, bah......wah-wah-wah-what?

Are we gonna have to put agreements like these down on paper , sign off and have them notorized from now on? Do poly people really do that? How can 2 out of 3 people come away with certain info from a meeting and the
3rd, not? Is the 3rd just blocking everything out as a defense mechanism? Right now, I'd just like one of the girls tell me where I'm supposed to sleep at night......

Last edited by Mark1npt; 05-17-2009 at 04:49 AM.
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