Thread: Conflicted
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Old 12-05-2011, 12:03 AM
hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 451

Originally Posted by secretposter View Post
More than a little overwhelmed at times, the secrecy is cutting me. I look into my wifes eyes and I see the trust in her eyes for the first time in years. I think of the journey we're on the hurdles crossed the time spent, the re-learning of each other. It is all in jeopardy.
Originally Posted by secretposter View Post
The coldly logical side of me shouts end it now. The side that enjoys her company shouts that I have never been in a position like this before. I can just be me talk and not be condemned for being me.
I'm sorry, but there's still only stern advice for you. You seem to need a good talkin'-to.

[Commence talkin'-to.]

You HAVE to stop now . . . but what you have to stop is the secrecy.

Do it now.

Just do it.

There is no other way.


Whether anything else stops as a consequence of that is up to you, your wife, and the other woman.

Originally Posted by secretposter View Post
My other partner literally has my life in her hands and that scares me sometimes.
This sounds more than a little like a cop-out. You have your life in your hands. You have to choose.

Also, might it not be a bit soon to refer to the other woman as a "partner", as though your relationship with her is already a "primary" relationship, co-equal with your marriage? It takes time to develop that kind of relationship and, it seems to me, it's not the sort of relationship that can thrive in secret.

Originally Posted by secretposter View Post
but I really am caught between two stools.
Then let yourself drop to the ground, take your bruises, and see what happens when you try to stand up.

The only way out of your predicament is through.

End the secrecy.

Do it now.

[End of talkin'-to.]

Sorry about that. It's strong medicine, but it's the only medicine that will help.

P.S. One picky little point: It's much easier for people to read and respond to posts that have paragraph breaks . . . Could you edit your last post to include them?
the cake is a lie
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