"Once you've told her that you have feelings for the other woman, you pretty much have to tell her what, if anything, you've done on the basis of those feelings. Again, past actions are now a matter of fact."
YES. This is a *very* important point. We've seen many times here when a person finds out about a partner's indiscretions, begins to heal and regain trust, and THEN find out that there are more things that were still being hidden, and all that positive progress is completely lost and then some. When you come clean, come clean 100% if you care about trying to make it work.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.