I do get where you're coming from, Minx. And frankly, as an OSO, I would pause the situation myself if I realized that our relationship was ruining my partner's primary relationship. I don't want to be responsible for that, nor do I want to see my loved one lose something so important. I realize that may sound contradictory to what I said before, but I think it's a balance between not just abandoning secondary relationships when things get tough and recognizing when there's no good way to proceed.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.