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Old 12-02-2011, 11:16 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 495

The way I was reading it was that his wife got upset that his OSO developed feelings for him ... not the other way around, and that SHE suggested swinging because she likes the sexual rush and doesn't want to worry about emotions being involved.

Original quote: She was mad at her OSO for something stupid BUT was harboring tons of anger towards my OSO for falling in love with me. It all came out yesterday.

Of course I could have read that wrong as well.

RP-- My take on why he wanted to stop all sexual relations with the couple was that he and his wife were NOT healthy as a couple when they began going out with the other couple-- in fact they were on the verge of divorcing.

Original Quote: It's been a tough ride for me. Almost lost our marriage then we got it back but with others involved. I was thinking today that maybe I need time to build this new relationship with my wife first before I can be mature enough to handle polyamory. I'm afraid of the future. I don't want to lose my wife.

and The marriage was almost over. Literally 11th hour type over. How could we build anything with another involved.

If they were a healthy couple I could see your point about not having her end her own relationship just because he isn't into it anymore, but I dont' see how continuing an open relationship when the original couple should never really have ventured there (before dealing with their own shit) will help.

I see this suggestion a lot and my own feeling is that if a couple was myopic enough to date other people when they were in no position to do so healthfully, then maybe stepping back and taking a moment to just be together as a couple, at least long enough to do the work on their relationship (or figure out it isn't working and separate) may be the right thing to do.

Everybody always says that it's not a good idea to have "relationship broken, add more people". So why does that advice suddenly seem to be seen as null and void when they've already made the mistake to venture forth? It's as if once you go into poly, you're stuck with that, even if you did it prematurely and your primary relationship can't handle it yet?

And BTW this isn't directed entirely at you, RP, I've seen this advice a lot lately from a lot of different people. And I agree with that advice of "why should they have to leave what makes them happy because you're having issues" in a lot of cases. But when people want to start dating other people when, and sometimes specifically because, their primary relationship is a mess and they don't do the work to fix that FIRST.. that basically to me just seems selfish and like escapism.

Last edited by Minxxa; 12-02-2011 at 11:22 PM.
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