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Old 12-02-2011, 07:59 PM
aronf13 aronf13 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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I had a conversation with somebody i met on there who I really connect with and we were having a conversation about monogomy vs polyamory...I think there was an undertone that i was trying to convince her to be poly and she was resisting loll. It's actually kind of a bummer because I really like her and we connect on really deep levels

(6:21:28 am)aronf131:space is super important for boundaries
(6:21:36 am)aronf131:finding the right level of time you want to spend with eachother
(6:21:40 am)aronf131:and compromising that
(6:22:10 am)aronf131:sometimes one person wants to spend more time than the other person
(6:22:25 am)to_jenn:yeah there needs to be a balance
(6:22:28 am)aronf131:but understanding it doesn't necessarily mean that means one person loves you more or less
(6:23:10 am)to_jenn:i don't know i guess i'm just idealistic and want these things to be mutual
(6:23:27 am)to_jenn:i feel like there will always be tension if one person wants more than the other can give
(6:23:33 am)aronf131:thats why i'm poly, if one relationship can't fulfill all my needs getting malcontent is inevitable, if one person doesn't wanna spend as much time with me or i don't wanna spend as much time with them that's okay, we still connect with what we have
(6:24:11 am)aronf131:i have an opposite understanding haha
(6:24:50 am)aronf131:it's harder to balance perhaps, but so is monogomy just in different ways, all depends on what your core beliefs are i think
(6:25:28 am)to_jenn:yeah i think so
(6:25:50 am)aronf131:it's so hard to achieve mutuality don't you think though?
(6:26:03 am)to_jenn:yes for sure
(6:26:03 am)aronf131:like have you had it in any of your past relationships?
(6:26:08 am)aronf131:i've never had that
(6:26:10 am)aronf131:maybe moments
(6:26:12 am)aronf131:but fleeting
(6:26:19 am)aronf131:love is fleeting
(6:26:28 am)to_jenn:what kind of mutuality?
(6:26:36 am)to_jenn:like feeling love for the person?
(6:26:49 am)to_jenn:yes definitely
(6:26:53 am)aronf131:and you can't try to fit it in boxes that it's meant to, but everyone always wants to
(6:27:12 am)aronf131:i mean whatever you meant - wanting eachother equally
(6:27:33 am)aronf131:boxes it's not meant to*
(6:27:33 am)to_jenn:yeah i think i've had that
(6:27:51 am)to_jenn:the mutual desire
(6:27:59 am)aronf131:that's wonderful
(6:28:04 am)to_jennf course there were external circumstances that prevented us from seeing each other as often as that
(6:28:10 am)to_jenn:but yeah
(6:29:01 am)aronf131:sometimes i feel like i can be so many different things, and i'm always different people depending on who i'm with
(6:29:37 am)to_jenn:i feel that way too
(6:29:40 am)to_jenn:always adapting
(6:30:08 am)aronf131:but it's sooooo useful for navigating
(6:30:23 am)aronf131:that's good, being adaptable is soo important
(6:31:08 am)aronf131r just growing up, learning to accept wherever your experiences lead you, letting go of atttachment and fear
(6:31:27 am)aronf131:but so many sides need expression, and on deep levels, not on the level i could achieve with friendship
(6:32:14 am)aronf131:my ideal is living with a group of lovers haha
(6:32:25 am)to_jenn:ah wow
(6:32:28 am)to_jenn:that would be interesting
(6:32:50 am)aronf131:commune where we're all open and honest and communicative and different needs being met by everyone so that we can express all sides of ourselves
(6:33:16 am)to_jenn:that sounds pretty amazing though
(6:33:21 am)aronf131:I KNOW haha
(6:33:51 am)aronf131:and like growing our own food living in nature haha
(6:34:03 am)aronf131:making music all day and art \o/
(6:36:58 am)aronf131:always pushing your limits always learning more about yourself
(6:37:02 am)aronf131:infinite growth
(6:37:06 am)aronf131:ahhh so amazing
(6:37:18 am)aronf131:to never stop developing always new situations
(6:37:39 am)aronf131:i don't blame you it maybe sounds a little intesne
(6:37:43 am)to_jenn:i don't know, i can't say it even appeals to me
(6:38:51 am)to_jenn:i don't know if it's just a set of conditioned beliefs and fears or these things are genuinely just not for me
(6:39:03 am)to_jenn:i lean towards the latter
(6:39:32 am)to_jenn:because i don't have like any negative reaction towards it
(6:39:39 am)to_jenn:i just feel indifferent
(6:39:54 am)aronf131:negative reactions is a sign of fear for sure
(6:40:02 am)to_jenn:yeah
(6:40:20 am)aronf131:i never had fear against it though
(6:40:38 am)aronf131:i just had so many difficulties with relatoinships and i always feared i always would
(6:41:50 am)to_jenn:yeah i've been there
(6:41:51 am)aronf131:it was the answer for me
(6:42:03 am)to_jenn:that's great
(6:43:57 am)to_jenn:i think i've always been a hopeless romantic type
(6:44:26 am)to_jenn:and i don't feel like giving that up yet
(6:44:45 am)aronf131:wordd
(6:44:54 am)aronf131:i hope you find what you're looking for!

*(walks away sad)*
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