I'm not quite sure I'm clear on the situation as it is now. Maybe you could come up with a nickname for your (ex-)OSOs, and your wife?
I think it is very good for you to take a break if you need it! I also think you should ask your wife to work with you, and try to take things slow in her relationship. I do not think it is reasonable of you to demand her to break up with her OSO because you feel like you can't handle everything. Do I understand correctly that that is what you asked for? That she no longer be in a romantic/sexual relationship with him? And you can't offer her (and him) any timeline here?
I understand you are feeling hurt and overwhelmed, but by opening things up you made a commitment to that. I think you should ask for things which give you time to process, but do not avoid the issue. How much time do you usually spend with the other couple? How much time does your wife spend with her OSO? It sounds like you need time to process, time to focus on your relationship with your wife. You can have that without demanding she break up with him. How about you come to an agreement that they spend less time together, but still can carry on a relationship? Rather that going back to monogamy for the next 6 months, could you come to an agreement that for the next 6 months she only sees him maybe once a week or every other weekend, and also that she wouldn't start any new sexual/romantic relationships during that time? And then revisit those agreements after that time?
And by the way, I completely agree that counselling is a VERY good idea!
Last edited by rory; 12-02-2011 at 07:08 PM.