I know I have said this so many times but I have a hard time knowing others are in distress or feeling alone. Even if your concerns have already been voiced and you think you are being too needy or whatever..communicate!!
These things can't stay quiet or they will eat away at the joy and connection you should feel. Polyamory is not about staying quiet and holding back.
I am in a different place in my own relationship with Redpepper and our "v" relationship. I have absolutely no time balance issues because our time was not meant to be balanced. Balancing, to me, indicates a limited amount of time. I feel no time limit in this relationship and therefore am quite happy to accept the time available we get without asking for more.
We all accept that this is a lifelong relationship and therefore we have endless tomorrows to fill. Her husband and me are good friends and care about each other’s needs more than our own I feel. This is an amazing aspect of our relationship that makes me very proud of what we are building.
Redpepper is sometimes frustrated in my not wanting to what I consider to be "encroaching" on the time for her "primary" relationship. As we are all becoming family she would like me to spend more time with them. I have to do what makes me feel comfortable even though I could spend all my time with her because I love her madly. Her frustration is quite cute actually
It's about respect and being a positive in their lives. Her and her husband hate when I call myself a secondary but that is how I like to be defined. It is them above all others.
I can't imagine feeling left out or ignored intimately. I do feel a certain isolation or "on the outside looking in" due to my different aproach to intimate relationships in poly group environments however.
I hope you talk and get back to the joy your relationship can give you.