I had a long, convoluted, fuzzily-recalled dream last night, which is normal for me. Two parts I remember clearly, both involving Jay.
At one point, he and I were in a parking garage saying goodbye. I reached out as if to embrace him and he got an amused look in his eyes and acted like he was going to fight me rather then let me do it. We tussled playfully, which ended up with us on the ground and me on top of him (I assume he let me win since he's much bigger then me). I gave him a quick hug and then jumped up. Davis was there too but was asleep.
Later, for some reason, Jay and I were in a bed together. We nuzzled, then cuddled, then kissed, then made out, and then we were having PiV sex. After a minute of that I stopped him, knowing that we shouldn't have done it. I asked him if he would tell Davis, he said no. I wasn't sure what I would do. I felt guilty and worried and angry (at myself, but also at Davis for being the reason that something that felt so good was wrong). I sighed "I wish this could just be ok with him..."
Interesting contrast to the dreams I had when Davis and I first got back together, which were explicitly about not breaking our boundaries. Maybe I'm ready to talk to him about opening things up more? I've thought about whether or not I want to see Harry again, but I don't feel quite ready for it somehow.
It's funny, if it had just been an uncomplicated sex dream about Jay I would have been pleased to have had it. But the fact that it was a dream about cheating made it, while still hot, uncomfortable and sad. Bleh. Stupid brain.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.