As this thread is entitled "don't ask don't tell" I thought I would mention another angle here. That of the couple who have the DADT... It has been my experience that a DADT policy can really rot a relationships stability in terms of trust, connection and closeness. It does depend on the original stability of a relationship however and how long it took to build trust in a situation such as being open.
From what I have seen and know about my own relationships it seems to work AFTER a time of complete open and honest communication... radical honesty shall we say. After a time of this there begins to emerge a pattern, or at least this is what I have noticed, where by some trust can be built. A pattern that only the people in the relationship would recognize about their partner and trust in.
There is also that things become normalized over time also. There is nothing like the unusual, and what would be considered freaky or unconventional to others, becoming the norm. When that time is reached in a relationship dynamic I don't know if DADT is a valid term really... its just getting about the business of life. I don't talk about every detail of my life to my partners and I don't talk about every detail of my life with them to anyone either.
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