Thank you both for replying.
I looked up some about what genderqueer is and I think it is appropriate for me... not that I need a label, but it helps in communicating with others.
I can express my needs and feelings with M if I am concise and don't over explain. This can be difficult at times and we have experienced many "shutdown" events and inner turmoil about that. I am still in the process of understanding what he is capable of in terms of being able to "be there" for me emotionally. Right now it appears as though it isn't much.
I am communicating more with some friends as a way to get some of my emotional needs met. So far it is okay.
I think the hardest part is trying to adjust to so many new discoveries all at once. M was diagnosed with Asperger's in September this year, about 3 months ago now. The discovery of the meaning of his "other loves" as polyamory happened within the last 2 weeks. I was just able to open up to him fully about my genderqueer stuff a week ago.
I appreciate the responses. Thank you so much.