Originally Posted by AnnabelMore
Wow, these are some dramatically contradictory posts!
I'm not sure how any of us are supposed to give advice without clarity from the two of you (hubs isn't interested in snuggling vs I enjoy snuggling, hubs isn't interested in kissing vs I tried to kiss her and she yelled at me?? what's a poor uninvolved observer to believe!) or at least a lot more context.
Like, whose idea was it to open the relationship? How long has it been? Does Goimir have/want a gf? How far away does the bf live? Are there other major boundaries and sore spots here? All very pertinent info.
Also, why not reveal anyone's "dire statements" to an anonymous web group? It's not like we know you, all we can do is try to offer helpful suggestions and we can't exactly do that if we don't know the real situation.
Goimir, to answer your question to me of what I think? Well, hell yeah, you sound jealous, but I think the problems here probably have very little to do fundamentally with her spending a little time cuddling on the couch with the bf and everything to do with lack of communication and trust between the two of you, specifically as relates to how you each communicate your desires and share physical contact. Let me ask very simply: what is the point, for you, of her staying away from him? What do you hope to gain?
As I said above, I don't feel like I can really respond as to what's best here without knowing a lot more at this point. But I can say that, as someone dating a married woman myself, I would be shocked and terribly wounded if her husband said I couldn't see her until they'd had sex again, which would probably not be for months, even though she and I were not ourselves having sex. That level of jealousy and insecurity and controlling, hurtful behavior from him to her would clearly indicate to me that their marriage was having serious problems and I would urge them to talk it out at length, maybe seek counseling.
We've been married forever, and poly for more than half our marriage. I have a girlfriend and she's hundreds of miles away and that's the next time I'm having sex, when she comes out to visit in February. KLP has told me she's never having sex with me again.
Now re-read that last sentence.
I asked her if it's going to be the same with her boyfriend, she won't answer me.