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Old 12-01-2011, 12:42 AM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Near Disneyland
Posts: 1,703

Goimir & KeyLimePie, you guys need to seriously work on your communication skills.

Goimir, have YOU offered to cuddle without expecting or even pushing for sex in return (not tried to cuddle then explained what your intentions were)? You get pushed away based on past experiences when her boundaries about sex have been crossed. I speak from my personal experience, when I just can't do the sex and my husband wants to cuddle, kiss and touch, I go stiff and into borderline anxiety unless he has made it CRYSTAL CLEAR before hand that he won't try to cross the line, because in the past he was out to change my mind on the subject and did cross the line. This requires communication and she probably won't be completely comfortable until you guys have successfully done it a couple times. It might be going to a park and just holding hands or just spending some time together.

KeyLimePie, you will have to verbalize what you are comfortable with, even if it's just holding hands or touching feet. This was a good place for me and my husband to start and now we make a point of somehow touching every night and we have done more "just" cuddling as a result than in our 20 year marriage. It could also help if you can verbalize why and what you are afraid of before hand. If Goimir is aware of your fears and insecurities (they don't have to be logical or rational), then he can make adjustments to make you feel more at ease, but he can't do that if you don't communicate.

You guys may also have to frequently ask for clarification on what the other understood or how they see the situation. You may think you made something clear, but when asked what he/she heard, you'd be surprised at how your words were interpreted.

Check out the book "The Five Love Languages". What are your love languages, what are your partner's? Have you been making your partner feel loved by actions thought was expressing your love or have you been pushing them further away because it wasn't their love language?
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