Thank you for your replies dinged and rose.
His motivation for sharing the letter was that he wanted to get his parents opinion on what he should do, if he is doing the right thing, etc. He is very close to them. I don't think his intention by sharing it was malicious, but I did call him on assuming it was ok by me to share it. I fear that my previously good relationship with my in-laws is now broken... And with Christmas day at their house coming up... I don't know how I am going to manage to keep it together while we are there. I am thinking of staying home, but then I am scared that his folks will take that the wrong way (ie she's crazy).
I have read the letter over and over again and it really is not that bad. Is it angry? Oh yeah. I pull no punches. But it doesn't speak to any violence at all. I focused on three things - why it is i feel betrayed, how i feel about her/why it is that i do not trust her, and what i am willing to do to move forward in this situation. He had already heard much of what was said in the letter in many of our talks, but she had not since he was apparently not telling her exactly how much i was hurting. I am considering posting it here, but will talk to him first. By the way, I wrote the letter at the request of my therapist who did indeed suggest that I send it - contrary to usual form of not sending such letters - because he is not communicating between us well and seems to be withholding things from each of us about the other.
I'll be happy to post some details of my interactions with her that we're very sour. I just woke up (have the flu) and am waiting for some coffee to kick in, so I will do so later on today.
Rose, you make a dang good point about me blaming her rather than putting the fair share of the blame with him where it belongs. Food for thought. Thank you for pointing it out.
Last edited by Primarilyhurt; 11-30-2011 at 08:31 PM.