View Single Post
Old 11-30-2011, 08:38 AM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,435

Originally Posted by Storm View Post
I understand what you're saying and it makes a lot of sense. I guess the problem with a vee or N is that we'd be concerned about the other one being jealous or insecure. Honestly, something like that already happened to us. The situation I explained at the start of this thread. V fell in love with me, but not with Rain and Rain could not deal with it. She wanted V to love her too because she loved V and me and I loved her and V, but V only loved me, though she did consider Rain her best friend as well. But there was no romantic love feelings there on her part. This made Rain feel pushed aside, insecure, jealous and generally like shit. We don't want that to happen again.
Learning to deal with and eventually overcome jealousy and insecurity is a great path to personal growth. Growth never happens without a bit of pain and anguish.

The situation you described here is by far the norm, not the exception. Even if you did find someone who fell in love with both of you "equally" there is no guarantee that everyone's feelings will always grow at the same pace. If the love dissolves between you and Newgirl or Rain and Newgirl, it would be very painful for the remaining "still in love" pair. That would leave a lot of hurt feelings in its wake. Yours or Rain's because of being forced to give up on a loving relationship just because it didn't work out for Rain or you (respectively), and Newgirl's doubly because she's basically being kicked to the curb, dropped from a loving relationship just because her love has become inconvenient for you and Rain. Ouch.

It's possible that part of Rain's hurt feelings came from the very fact that you were trying to force this relationship into a box, rather than allowing it to grow in its own way. In other words, if Rain hadn't been expecting V to love her back, then she may not have felt so pushed aside when it didn't happen that way.

Jealousy and insecurity usually come from a deeper place of fear. It's important to address the causes of those emotions. They will likely turn up again in any kind of romantic arrangement you develop, and working through them now will help prepare you for later.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
Reply With Quote