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Old 11-30-2011, 07:53 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

Hey PH, I'm sorry to hear about the crazy ride you've been on.

Let me say above all else, I think counseling is a very, very good idea.

Keeping the two relationships separate seems like the only possible way to go for now if he won't leave either of you and neither of you will leave him yet you can't deal with each other.

Looking back over the whole thing, I can say that asking a person not to develop deeper bonds with a partner, and asking someone to leave a partner they've grown to love, can both be incredibly difficult requests. This does not excuse your husband for lying and breaking agreements, not at all, but perhaps it can put it all in more context. I think you're right that he's caught up badly in NRE, and it also sounds like he has a lot of trouble expressing where he's at. I won't go into all the problems with his behavior as it's clear you understand where he's been making huge, immature mistakes. As for the gf, I fully accept the possibility that she has been manipulative, but I also wonder if it's possible that she's not a bad person but rather just as confused and hurting as everyone else here.

I look at the patterns and, without trying to blame you in the least for his wrongs, I worry that perhaps you tend to let yourself fall into the role of victim very easily (even to the point of feeling victimized by your reception at the other site). Do you think that's a possibility? Have you been in counseling at any point before now?
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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