I understand what you're saying and it makes a lot of sense. I guess the problem with a vee or N is that we'd be concerned about the other one being jealous or insecure. Honestly, something like that already happened to us. The situation I explained at the start of this thread. V fell in love with me, but not with Rain and Rain could not deal with it. She wanted V to love her too because she loved V and me and I loved her and V, but V only loved me, though she did consider Rain her best friend as well. But there was no romantic love feelings there on her part. This made Rain feel pushed aside, insecure, jealous and generally like shit. We don't want that to happen again.
Of course the past situation was never discussed enough. We both hid things from each other until it was too late and V hid things from us. V was also not Poly, but cheating on her boyfriend and ended up just wanting to me with me which was not going to happen because I wasn't going to leave Rain. So yeah, it was generally a huge fuck up all round and we just don't want to repeat that situation. I can not take Rain hurting like that again or my own heart breaking again as it did when V went psycho on us (very long story).