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Old 11-30-2011, 04:38 AM
Storm Storm is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 53
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I think you mean you want polyfidelity, not monogamy.
Yes, that would be what I meant

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A Vee can evolve into a triad, though we usually hear more about things happening the other way around. But you know, poly relationships sometimes take a long time to evolve and be fully comfortable for everyone. Sometimes it takes years.
Wait... I thought a Vee was four people... ? How can four people evolve to three? I'll have to see what a Vee is again, maybe I have it wrong. Years huh? I hope during those years it's not a complete shit fight for some peace and quiet. As in I would hate to think it will be years or jealously and insecurities.

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Either way, vee or triad, wouldn't dating be one of the steps you take to get to more involvement?
We would rather just meet people as friends first rather than date and then see if any of those friendships could evolve into something more.

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You can't expect to always meet someone together and then they are suddenly committed to both of you - people and relationships don't usually work that way.
No, we don't expect that. But after we built a friendship with whoever it was and if they seemed interested in more, then we would be honest with them in what we were looking for. Of course we would not expect them to feel the same for both of us, but we would hope the possibility would be there.

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Sounds like you are both more interested in building friendships first, so I am sure this has been the way friendships have developed with you, hasn't it? Haven't either of you made a friend through a class or some activity and just gone out for a drink or to a museum, whatever, with that friend by yourself, without being uncomfortable about it? Just because now you have added the possibility of intimacy doesn't mean you can't meet them the same way you would a friend of one or the other of you. Its funny how calling it dating makes us think differently about meeting someone for coffee! If you're relaxed about how you meet people, there will be less tension surrounding the possibility of expanding that friendship into more with the two of you.
Yes, we are interested in friendships first. Both of us feel the best relationships are built on starting from friendship. As to how to form friends, of course we have made friends separately but oddly enough, the best friends we have made since we have been together are those we have met together. But I am fine if Rain meets a friend and if she starts to feel more for the friend and thinks there may be the possibility of something there, then I would like to meet that friend, if I haven't already, and see if there is possibility for what we are looking for. If there wasn't and I had no interest in her and she none in me, then I guess that's where we might end up looking at a Vee situation. But for whatever reason we do form our best friendships when together.

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Ultimately, I think what's more important is meeting people and seeing if there's enough chemistry there for further involvement, rather than worrying about what the "polyamorous configuration" should be and then looking for someone to fit into that like a puzzle piece. Life often shows up with unexpected opportunities. The fact is that you are both open to having multiple relationships, and it sounds like you communicate well with each other. Keep talking, soul-searching, and try not to hang on to pre-conceived ideas about how it should go, and you'll be alright, I think.
Thanks and I agree. We are not even looking to actively meet people to form a triad or Vee, etc we are just going to go about living our lives as we always have and if something happens, then it does. Once it does we'll decide how best to proceed. Currently we just want to talk over all the possibilities and decide what we are currently comfortable with and what we aren't.
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