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Old 11-29-2011, 10:49 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by Storm View Post
As was said, we still want some type of monogamy, but in terms of a triad or possible a Vee.
I think you mean you want polyfidelity, not monogamy.

From my observation, I think a successful polyfidelitous triad seems to happen organically rather than by trying to put a third person into place who will love both of the other two equally. It's good you are open to a Vee, I think. There is more possibility that way. A Vee can evolve into a triad, though we usually hear more about things happening the other way around. But you know, poly relationships sometimes take a long time to evolve and be fully comfortable for everyone. Sometimes it takes years.

Either way, vee or triad, wouldn't dating be one of the steps you take to get to more involvement? You can't expect to always meet someone together and then they are suddenly committed to both of you - people and relationships don't usually work that way. I don't mean it has to be a project, like "now we are going to date, let's find someone" but if one or the other of you meets someone and wants to see what potential there is, why not allow some room for either of take that person out casually, get to know them, and so on. Sounds like you are both more interested in building friendships first, so I am sure this has been the way friendships have developed with you, hasn't it? Haven't either of you made a friend through a class or some activity and just gone out for a drink or to a museum, whatever, with that friend by yourself, without being uncomfortable about it? Just because now you have added the possibility of intimacy doesn't mean you can't meet them the same way you would a friend of one or the other of you. Its funny how calling it dating makes us think differently about meeting someone for coffee! If you're relaxed about how you meet people, there will be less tension surrounding the possibility of expanding that friendship into more with the two of you.

Ultimately, I think what's more important is meeting people and seeing if there's enough chemistry there for further involvement, rather than worrying about what the "polyamorous configuration" should be and then looking for someone to fit into that like a puzzle piece. Life often shows up with unexpected opportunities. The fact is that you are both open to having multiple relationships, and it sounds like you communicate well with each other. Keep talking, soul-searching, and try not to hang on to pre-conceived ideas about how it should go, and you'll be alright, I think.
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Last edited by nycindie; 11-29-2011 at 10:55 PM.
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