Originally Posted by booklady78
I worry that taking a step back to focus on myself appears selfish and I'm also wondering how to balance that with my other relationships. If I step back, focus on me, find other things/interests to occupy my time, then they may also take time away from my husband, friends, and family.
Isn't taking a step back exactly what he's asking you over and over to do? Doesn't that make it not selfish, but rather respectful to do so? Why if it that time with your bf is ok, but time spent by yourself takes away from others? Wouldn't time spent on the couch with your bf have that same effect?
The ball is truly in his court. He's made himself very clear, and by not stepping back all you'll do is appear clingy, not supportive. You can't force anyone to change, but sometimes changing yourself can be the most powerful possible thing you can do for your loved ones. If he sees you developing as a person, maybe it'll help him reflect on where he needs to go in his own life. Or maybe not, no way to know. But being a more fulfilled, active person will enhance your ability to be a productive, wonderful part of the lives of ALL the people you love.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.