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Old 11-29-2011, 05:45 PM
rungsoftheladder rungsoftheladder is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Maine
Posts: 15
Default Reply....and update

We are not pushing the boundaries right now. Because of our situations, we each see our friends here and there; and agree that they deserve to be kept in the loop while we re-establish ourselves and our expectations. Her friend is also my friend and I don't want that cut off.....just perhaps held to friendship status for a little bit during this time. My female friend is pretty self-absorbed in her own life, still a friend, but not integral to the relationship between me and my wife.

We continue to have good conversations about non-monogomy and poly. We have to shoehorn these conversations around life, work, family and schedule and I am occasionally impatient to continue the conversations, but I respect the other needs in our lives as well! She grabbed me, randomly, a couple of days ago, and took me to our favorite watering spot for a beer and an hour long talk. It was awesome. We are sharing lots of thoughts and knowledge and both of us are curious as to the shape our lives and our relationship will take as we agree on it in the coming days, weeks, months, and years.

There is still anger and betrayal on both sides about how we came to this point. I feel very rejected in that I had made many, many efforts to open the door to conversation and that she did not trust me or the relationship enough to pursue being open. I did the same thing, perhaps with some differences. I am grieving the loss of what I thought was our marriage. I acknowledge that it was always strong, always full of love and happiness, but I am very sad that parts of it were based on mistrust and hurtful behavior on both our parts. Thats why I am looking forward to what is to come.

There are times when we are alone (differing work schedules) that the rough patches come. Thoughts are overwhelming for both of us as we examine some of the things that have happened, why they happened and how that reality differs from the illusions that we were under.

It is sad, shocking and frustrating to realize things weren't quite what you thought, but when you examine the new shifted paradigm, you realize that even though it wasn't what you thought it was, it STILL was an awesome loving marriage and partnership. Thats why, despite the rough patches for us both, I think we are both optimistic as we can be......still going to go to therapy, though, not leaving anything up to chance here, she and I are worth too much to NOT bring in whatever resources will maximize our chances of moving into this new hase successfully!!!!
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