Originally Posted by poobah123
I just hope I have not lost my wife. I know she says she loves me and she can handle it but my inability to give to her has hurt her.
I don't know how you could phrase this so that it wouldn't sound like an accusation, because it really isn't. But if she's seeing this as your "inability to give to her"-- she's neglecting to look at about her inability to give to you. You're not saying you can't do this at all, you're saying that you can't do this NOW because the two of you didn't do the work together first.
In my mind, she's only looking at what she wants and what you won't give her, instead of seeing that it's just as much about what the two of you need and what she didn't take the time to give your relationship because she was infatuated and wanted what she wanted.
I know that sounds hardass, but the truth is that when people get into the NRE they very very often get into a selfish "me, me, me" stage where they are so focused on their chemically-induced feelings that they run over other people's feelings or see other people's requests as some kind of imposition.
I think it might behoove her to see that giving is a two way street. You want to give to her, so that she can have what she wants and needs. She needs to do the same for you.