Originally Posted by redpepper
Hey ChloeJane, this situation of yours is not unique... for the record.
At the stage you are at you are right on schedule. If you were say a year in.... it would be unique. No biggy though, you are working hard, it is plain to see. Koodo's to you for that. Good luck
I'm not sure whether I should follow your rather strange form of reassurance, or to go with more of a gut feeling of condescension right now, RedPepper. It seems that everyone thinks that they know what our relationship consists of, where our weaknesses/challenges lie and now, even how it will unfold with the exact order and type of problems we'll be facing. I offered that it might be unique because so many people were pushing for us to start splitting off and having independent relationships, like it was an inevitability. It's not necessarily an inevitability, and any assumption to the contrary is just that, at this point - an assumption.
I can appreciate that while everyone has, and will continue to have unique relationships with unique individuals, that there are members on this board who have seen enough variety to see some trends, or patterns out there. I would also however, like to point out that none of this makes anyone all knowing, or all seeing, and to imply as much will only create feelings of judgement and disempowerment on this board, or worse, dependence on other people's opinions, taking people away from their own truths.
As a newcomer to this board, I have to say it's been pretty intense; there has been a lot of projections, assumptions, interpretation and judgements on some challenges that came up in our relationship. That's cool with me; I don't mind a good debate, getting clearer in my life, or being challenged in general. Nor do I mind pointing out when people are overstepping, or being too intense. I think this might be a good moment to extend my encouragement to the more established members of this board who all have strong voices, that helping people get clear in their own minds/hearts is a lot more empowering than telling them how it is, or how it will be.
So, "maybe in a year it will be unique". Maybe it's already unique. With all due respect, it's honestly not really for you to say. Good luck to you & yours as well - it seems like an awesome match up, and that makes me happy for you.