For me what it comes down to is being able to live my life openly and freely. Being someone's dirty little secret just doesn't appeal to me. I find it hard to imagine that anyone in a DADT is going to feel comfortable strolling through the mall holding hands, and that's something I enjoy doing with my partners. If I was walking around with a partner, and they spot a friend or coworker and suddenly drop my arm and put 3 feet between us just to avoid suspicion, I would feel like they see me as cheap and disposable. I am not disposable and I choose not to be with anyone who sees me that way.
The other reality is that when you're dating a DADT, you get zero rights in the relationship. The primary gets first dibs on everything, and you get the leftover scraps. Thanks but no thanks.
I honestly don't care about whose responsibility it is to make sure no one's cheating. It's about my own needs within a relationship, one of which is a need to feel valued and cherished. If someone can't give me that, then I don't need to waste my time with them.
Gralson: my husband. Auto: my girlfriend.
Zoffee: Auto's husband. Cue: Zoffee's boyfriend. Bookie: Cue's wife.
"Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. " -- Louis de Bernières