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Old 11-29-2011, 05:48 AM
booklady78 booklady78 is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 145
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Things have been coasting along lately, not really any momentum gained. My bf had the opportunity to seek out a referral for therapy at his regular 'dosage' check in, but declined to ask for help. He's taken to offering flimsy excuses as to why he doesn't want any therapy at the moment so I've left that conversation alone.
All he seems to want to do is play videogames and D&D. He can barely put the controller down to have a conversation now. I'm happy to curl up and watch a movie, but as soon as the movie is done he wants me out of the room. I can't even sit on one end of the couch and read while he plays, he wants his space.
I've been trying to read up on 'detachment' and it's such a foreign concept to me. I realize that I spend so much time trying to make others happy, I don't take the time to account for what I need to be happy. My life is my relationships and that's not really a healthy thing.
Money is super tight at the moment so I've been hunting for a part time job, I think it would be both a practical thing and a way to occupy my time, perhaps explore a new interest.
I don't want to punish my bf for being so distant lately, but I'm torturing myself lately waiting for him to 'snap out of it'.
He's not willing/able to communicate what he needs so I need to stop guessing and assuming what those needs might be. Depressed or not, he is an adult capable of formulating thoughts and feelings. I am not going anywhere, my support for him remains.
I worry that taking a step back to focus on myself appears selfish and I'm also wondering how to balance that with my other relationships. If I step back, focus on me, find other things/interests to occupy my time, then they may also take time away from my husband, friends, and family.
Anyone have experience with 'detachment' in a poly dynamic? I've heard the term used for depression as well as addiction, the basic idea is the same. Loving yourself so you can keep up the love for your partner.
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