View Single Post
  #30  
Old 11-28-2011, 04:42 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,724
Default

Now, I have a new guy in my life. I havent mentioned him here before because I've had so many failures in dating this year, I didnt want to jinx it.

Let's call him J1. He's an older guy (7 yrs older than me). He's new to poly, but not to BDSM or open relationships, multiple play partners. However, he's never had to deal with jealousy much. He was in a leather family for a while 10 years ago, but they broke up eventually over jealousy (1 Domme, 4 subs). The Miss just broke it all off when the subs were vying too much for attention, with little to no discussion.

So. J1 is fine with my primary relationship with miss pixi. However, out of the blue, in the past couple weeks I have gotten an interest from 3 more guys. This has thrown him a lot. We have had to have many talks about it. J1 and I have been chatting online for over 3 months and have had 4 dates, one a week since we started to meet. We talk every day and share a lot of fondness so of course I want him to be as comfortable as possible with my possible relationships with these other guys.

Today he told me he thought he was just supposed to suck up his feelings around his concerns about my other possibilities. I told him that couldnt be further from the truth. I want to know about his every fear and every twinge of jealousy.

So, I guess that is a boundary? Or request, that he talk to me about his feelings. He is afraid of overstepping and making me feel like he is hindering me or limiting me in any way. We are seeing each other tonight after a week apart so I will make it a point to discuss it more fully.

Like Cindie here, I see most boundaries are to protect the santity of the primary relationship of a relatively new to poly, formerly mono couple. I dont have that need. Instead I am dealing with boundaries with my serial monogamist "secondary."

Now, the one other of the 3 other guys mentioned above that I have actually had 2 dates with (and full on sex with on the second date), J2, we have our own things to work out. He has some swinger experience, but is newly divorced and new to poly and I don't think we are on the same page yet in terms of his dating other women... I'd like to be more informed about that, and I don't think he realizes that yet. We are getting together hopefully on Wednesday, so will have to take a break in the hot hot fucking to talk that over! That might be difficult. He is a sex machine and so am I.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37

Last edited by Magdlyn; 11-28-2011 at 04:53 PM.
Reply With Quote