Originally Posted by rolypoly
RP, do you ever feel negative emotions from loving someone who only loves you a titch back? (Guilty, sheepish, silly, invasive...)??
No I don't actually, I'm not a negative person in general really and I find that if I were to experience negative emotions because I am not getting anything in return I would really have to look at what the purpose is for my being there. That purpose doesn't have to come in the form of receiving love back. It could be any number of things... if I wanted it to be love, then I would have to look at whether or not the situation is healthy for me to be in.
I am proud that I can give without receiving directly. It gets returned to me ten fold in so many ways... I really see it as a gift to ME to love someone because of this. I have seen how it softens people in ways that I never expected and that is a big gift to everyone, not just them or me... love really does change how people think and act in the world...
Maybe I learned it from my work with people with developmental disabilities as I see it as my job to love them, take care of their needs, advocate for them and treat them with dignity and respect. That kind of giving has huge returns in the most pure, uncluttered form... there is nothing like a hug from someone with downs (for example) to know what pure, trusting love is. I could go on all day with examples from my work. I have really learned everything I needed to know from my clients in terms of trusting "individuals," not "people" in general.
Each person is different and should be trusted from day one... that trust can be broken, sure, but more often than not at this age and stage in my life, the people I met (also in my cohort) have been through stuff and know the value of trust. It really seems that I offer them a clean slate when I trusted them. One that they can then put value on using the wisdom they have learned along the way.... that trust generally seems to be respected much more than it ever did when I was young and my cohort was just starting out with the trust thing. More often than not they cherish it and use it to heal when they do everything not to break it...
Love and trust seem to go hand in hand it seems... we trust others to take care of us in our vulnerable state of loving them.. I can totally see how old wounds would resurface and old sadness. I hope that this person is worthy of your trust and takes care of your heart roly... perhaps telling him all this might help. If it doesn't fit to trust him that much then perhaps your sadness is due to the fact that he is not the right one to direct your love to in the depth that you want to give... no harm in that, it just means that you will need to make sure you are free enough to be able to give to the next person who perhaps could take care of your heart as it should be and needs to be.