Originally Posted by polyq4
He needs to devise if this is going to be a quick fling or more. If its just a quick fling (translation fu*k) that would not define my definition of poly.
We already know it would be a quick fling. She's from Denmark I believe. However, she told him she was interested in moving to Houston someday, a place we may be moving to as well in the future.
I understand that it's not really a poly definition (just sex), however it is actually a huge part of our poly development. Before we came to Europe, he put us on hold because he couldn't handle the jealousy issues of me being with another man. His idea was that maybe he could get past those issues if he did it himself and could better understand the situation first. (Meaning, I had to wait to develop any interests in men on my own until he had sex with a girl).
If I let him have sex with someone out here, it may be that push he was looking for. He has already retracted some of what he said before, saying that he understands better already without even having slept with anyone ... but I feel like if he doesn't try something out here, we may be in the same limbo we were in when we left.
We both love each other and have a solid foundation. How long should we wait before jumping in? Is living in this limbo actually getting us anywhere? Or would it be better to take some baby steps (let him go out on a date with this girl) and work the the emotions of a real (versus hypothetical) situation?