Originally Posted by hyperskeptic
When I've had bouts of anxiety about the choice to open our marriage, that tells me I am, at that moment, still thinking in terms of monogamy, that I'm grieving the loss of an older kind of normality, the safety of conventional expectations. I've left the path of least resistance, and the path was comfortable. Leaving that path is scary!!!
This rings true for me, as does your entire reply.
I've been in a mono relationship for almost ten years and while trying poly is exciting, shiny, and new... sometimes it just hits me - this is not comfortable. Like a rubber band stretched too far, I want to retract into our normal shape.
We are in traveling in Europe right now. He goes to training all day for work .. and he's developed a "crush" on a girl there. This is the first time we've ever discussed something like a crush. He asks me how I feel and what I feel comfortable with him doing ...
I just don't understand how I can support the idea of polyamory, and even look forward to it for both of us - but for some reason have trouble accepting this. Just a few weeks ago, in the States, I was on board - he was the one who wanted to slow down. Now we have switched. And he is so enthusiastic and excited, that I can't stand to let him down. Part of me wants to be happy with him, be excited with him ... chat like best friends and disassociate myself from this relationship he is forming with this new girl.
I honestly think most of it is a lack of self-confidence. I'm not physically where I want to be... and I know the kind of girls that he is attracted to... and it hurts to know that I can't measure up. So then I think, if I get in shape and look how I want ... then maybe I won't feel like second best? But why should he have to wait on me ... Aghhh