Thread: Back and Forth
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Old 11-28-2011, 12:31 PM
hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 451

Is there something particular that is bothering you, on the days of heartbreak, or is it sort of like free-floating anxiety? Is it fear? Panic? Grief-in-advance?

I'm in more or less the same situation, having not really dipped my feet in the water - though my wife has dipped hers, a bit. From my perspective, I know it can be hardest to deal with emotions that aren't really attached to anything concrete.

My own tendency is to treat them as curious psychological facts about myself, not as facts about the world or about the actual state of my relationships. With a little detachment, I can use feelings of fear or anxiety or hurt as indicators that something needs to be addressed, and often that I need to discuss something with the other people involved.

When I've had bouts of anxiety about the choice to open our marriage, that tells me I am, at that moment, still thinking in terms of monogamy, that I'm grieving the loss of an older kind of normality, the safety of conventional expectations. I've left the path of least resistance, and the path was comfortable. Leaving that path is scary!!!

What I have done!?!?!?

Then, I remember to breathe. I remember the solidity of my relationship with my wife - a relationship that is much better as a constantly-renewed choice than it was as a culturally enforced habit.

I remember not to panic.

(There's more than one reason for my choice of an icon for my posts . . . )
the cake is a lie

Last edited by hyperskeptic; 11-28-2011 at 01:10 PM.
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