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Old 11-28-2011, 07:32 AM
Storm Storm is offline
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 53

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Hmm, thinking about this some more. I think cheating probably *is* too strong of a word, since this was someone you were already intimate with by mutual, open agreement. Instead it would be more fair to say that what happened was rules/boundary/agreement breaking. If it had been with someone your partner hadn't known about or had expressly forbidden sexual contact with, then it would have been cheating, whether you were mono or poly, and whether it had been deliberately hidden or not. Just some philosophic/linguistic musing on my part...
I agree with this. I definitely broke the boundary we had talked about. And just because I would have been fine with her joining us doesn't make it ok at all. But I think, and I'm sure Rain will correct me if I'm wrong, by Rain's definition, since I broke the boundary, I cheated. I think the problem is the labelling. When she tells people she tells them I cheated and that's what pisses me off more than anything because I feel it is giving the wrong impression of the entire situation if all she tells them is I slept with someone without her knowledge or consent. There is sooooooo much more to it than that. So I asked her from now on if she's going to tell people what happened then she needs to tell them the entire story or not say anything at all. It also upsets me when she calls me a 'cheater' because again, I don't feel all the negative connotations that go with that word fit what happened. It's a very sore issue though and when I try to explain my view point she thinks I'm just trying to excuse the behaviour or justify it, which I'm not trying to do. I freely admit to anyone that I broke the boundary and fucked up.

Anyways, the thing about triads, to my mind, is that they always have the possibility of becoming vees. Like, let's say you two hook up with a chick named Sarah. Sarah loves you both and you both love Sarah, and all is well in triad land. But then two years down the road, Storm and Sarah fall out of love, while Rain and Sarah stay love. Do Rain and Sarah have to break up because a triad was ok but a vee was not? What if they're too in love to countenance breaking up? To my mind, it's dangerous to start a triad when a vee is emotionally unacceptable, because life is just too unpredictable.
That's a damn good point and something I did bring up with Rain. I explained it even in terms of a triad in that I said what if we meet someone, spend a lot of time with them and you fall in love with them but I don't? Is it fair of me to then break the love you two have for each other because I don't feel it? Or vice versa. So yeah, I can see how a vee could come about.
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