Originally Posted by gort
So.... May I politely suggest that you are not the only one in your little threesome who feels like your boundaries are being pushed. I feel for your unicorn.
Probably not as much as *I* feel for her, given that I love her, and hold her desires and happiness next to my heart every day
I've really enjoyed reading this thread!
I have had a number of polyamorous relationships over the past three decades, and not one of them have had the same boundaries - each relationship, each person involved in each relationship was different, hence, each set of boundaries have been different!
Some boundaries were silly, and I didn't even know what they were: I had two boyfriends for the first time in grade 2, and only one of them was allowed to bring me a treat at lunch (usually a wagonwheel, Nathan was big on wagonwheels) or else he'd get upset & jealous. As life and relationships progressed, boundaries became much more serious and necessary: sharing a bi male with a gay man who had a great deal of casual sex on the side involved a lot more boundaries around protection and safety, for example - this particular pair were REALLY into scheduling as well. I have had partners with extreme DADT (Don't Ask Don't Tell) rules that have worked really well, and other partners who wanted to know EVERYTHING in detail all of the time, which also worked really well
The couple that my husband and I saw regularly for quite a few months were very into discretion, only ever engaging in sex in the same room, being tested and monogomous so that we could be fluid bound, and no contact between her husband and I (they'd had a lot of problems around that in the past)
My husband and I have some pretty clear (and very well renegotiated) agreements. Our girlfriend and us only have sex together at the same time. All parties must be conscious and actively involved, unless we're choosing and consent to a voyeur role. We are renegotiating outside contact right now, but at present, all communication and scheduling flows through our girlfriend and me. This is likely to change, as our relationship is developing and it doesn't seem as important as it did in the beginning. We are supportive of any outside relationships/partners she wishes to be with so long as she shares that information with us i(nsofar as "we need to start using protection") We are not currently pursuing other relationships (although this is not part of our agreement, just a fact, as we only want to be involved with her.) We have no emotional boundaries, or physical boundaries when we are together - anything goes, and being in love is part and parcel of our relationship together.