Dreams do come true...
A couple of years ago, my husband broached the subject of polyamory with me. I think I've actually written about it on this forum. Over these past 2&1/2 years, we've had ups and downs with poly. To be honest, it's been mostly downs. We have had attempts that ended not only in failure, but heart-ache. I have been dismissed from a church, we've had friends who didn't understand, and we've had friends who were offended we didn't want to "swing" with them. Each time we've braved the waters, we've retreated, and wondered if we would ever find what we were hoping for.
This past Thanksgiving, everything changed. By some miracle, we found what we were looking for! Not only that, it's better than we EVER dared to imagine!
A & J found me on a dating website where I talk extensively about me and my husband wanting a poly relationship. After weeks of emails and texts, we drove up to a different city to meet them. After several hours, we finally decided we had to drag ourselves away since we did have a couple hour commute back home. We texted all the way home (me, not driving) and we invited them for Thanksgiving. That was the longest 2 weeks of my life. After we had met them, we talked to and about them as much as possible. They finally got here for Thanksgiving and WOW, what a week!
A play by play of events isn't what's most intriguing about this. It's the underlying stuff, you know, the important stuff. They are married with two kids, we are married with none but trying desperately. The first surprise was A, the other male. I never once expected to be attracted to another man like I am my husband. In all our looking, I was prepared to "tolerate" another man, but I was 100% sure I would never really want a deep, intimate relationship with one. So, imagine my surprise when upon meeting this man, I felt an instant spark! The woman, J, was instant chemistry for me, but I was always worried about finding someone who would really want to connect with both me and my husband. She did, in a big way.
What's so cool is the compatibility. My husband and J are compatible in ways that compliment mine and his relationship. And, it's the same between A and myself. Things my husband likes (Twilight Zone, Rock Band) that I like ok, but am not crazy about, she is. A is very articulate and loves to just talk and talk, but my husband is more quiet. We have wonderful talks, but A and I could barely shut up. And we're educated on a variety of topics that are similar and interesting to both of us. It's just so amazing to all of us.
I am thrilled and excited and happy for my husband. Seeing him connect with J is so wonderful. He feels the same way seeing me connect with A. And, since our guys are.. well, guys.. they love seeing us connect, too! And wow, with she and I, the sparks are so there. It's so lovely to have found a woman I can connect with on so many levels.
And speaking of our guys.. they are so comfortable with each other. They trust each other and have a lot in common as well. They're not Bi, so nothing physical, but they're connecting in so many other ways and are enjoying their new found friendship.
So.. I am here to say that all the things that didn't work out have led me, and us, here. I'm not sorry for the attempts that didn't work out, I'm grateful for them. I am grateful for a husband who was brave enough and trusted me enough to even talk about this subject. I am grateful for our resolve as a couple not to compromise and give in to just have "something" but instead to wait for the "right something". And I am very grateful for A & J, because without them, I would still be searching for my family.
For now, we must live apart. It's better both for our relationships and their business and kids. But, the plan is to work towards a home that gets us all under one roof. We all believe that when you know, you know. We know. We also feel like we know enough not to rush it and take a chance on ruining things. If it's worth it, it will be worth the wait.
If you are looking for that "ideal" situation, hold out for it. I truly believe that staying true to your heart will yield something more beautiful than you could ever imagine.