So it finally happened
We finally had it out. Sort of.
R & W where away over the weekend. As far as I was aware they were coming HOME on Sunday night. And going to both stay.
So in the early afternoon I started thinking of what to make for dinner.
R called and said they were going to stop at work so he could get some work done and clear off his desk. He indicated they would be home pretty late, but that they would still be home.
So I went and got some things for dinner. Then I called and asked if he would definitely be home for dinner.
Well that plans had changed again. R realised that he'd forgotten his keys so he couldn't go into work. They were coming home and then I finally dragged it out of him that they were going back to W's.
I wasn't happy, I had a whole lot of stuff for dinner in the fridge.
I'd been alone now for 30+ Hours and I wasn't happy to continue to be alone again.
So they came home and I told R I was pissed. He said "talk to me" so I pointed out that he never listened. We eventually ended up on the couch talking and W said she was going to have a nap.
I shut the door to have a private conversation in my home, because ya know. After everything I think im entitled to that.
Well we talked a bit, but didn't get a whole lot of anything out on the table.
I expressed my concerns that my time with him hadn't been real quality time and that I just wasn't happy.
R eventually walked off and W said she was going to leave because "you could cut the tension with a knife"
Which was a slight exageration.
And then it all started, and I don't really remember what happened.
Because it all happened so fast, but R basically let us sit there and fight it out.
And I was told that W was the one making all the sacrifices, and giving up her time. And that she wasn't going to compromise with the whole bed sleeping arrangement.
And I expressed about how it wasn't at all comfortable with sleeping in a bed designed and build for R's kids and she said "who cares"
Well I know the story of those beds, and I know how much R hurts everyday because they don't get used by there intended purpose.
At the end of the conversation, R had walked away and I was staring into nothing-ness and trying to draw some emotion, but really I had none left at all. W was telling me that she "did want me here" and she "didn't want to have this conversation now but in 6 months once things have settled"
And I couldn't acknowledge what she was saying. Not just because I didn't want to, because despite what she was saying she was still hurtfull in her comments, she was still dismissive of my relationship with R which is now hanging on by a fucking thread because I wouldn't acknowledge how hard it was for her to say those things.
Even after all the back handers she'd just given me about how i've ruined her life and her relationship and all the sacrifices she's made.
After this, R left because he was pissed at my lack of acknowledgement. W left about 30 seconds after that. I ended up in bed crying.
I then spoke to R and he got extremely pissed at me for again not acknowledging W and what she was saying. And he kept saying "You couldn't even look at her you couldn't even look at her"
No I couldn't. No I didn't want too. No no no no no no no. Not everything is about her and her feelings, and her sacrifices.
I gave up everything to move her, I have given up my sanity putting up with this shit for the last 5 weeks. Don't talk to me about fucking sacrifices.
W chooses to stay in a situation she doesn't accept, and then when things don't go her way she is un willing to compromise..
I talked to R again later that night once things had calmed down.
He promised me he'd be into work early.
He asked me if I wanted to go to lunch.
Well guess what, work started an hour and a half ago and he is STILL not here. His phone is off. I am having to cover for, and lie for him again.
Its not my fault that he drank himself into oblivion after what happened last night. Its not my fault he chose to persue a realtionship with me. Its not my fault that he accepts W's conditions.
Honestly he told her that he would be interested and could see himself pursuing a monogamus single relationship.. and that if the time comes. HE WONT REPLACE ME WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
REALLY R? is that how your going to play it.
W is NOT an acception to your issues with being faithful.
You have slept with 10+ women despite the fact that as far as W was concerned you were in a god damn monogamous relationship!!!
She says that your the love of her life but when I asked you, you couldn't tell me the same..
I don't get this. I don't get any of this.
I have two people who are clearly struggling.
Clearly off their fucking rocker.
And they are "begging me to stay"
And asking me to commit to atleast giving this 6 months.
To top this whole situation off, I had a bit too drink last night.
After they left I went outside for a cigarette and I locked myself out.
I had to break through the mesh of a window, Climb 2 metres off the ground and through the fucking window.
I hurt my leg and scratched my arms to peices.
So far, NOTHING good has come from me moving here.
Not a damn thing.
Thats massively hard to understand and accept.