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Old 11-27-2011, 09:20 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I understand that things are working okay now, but I am a bit nervous here. I would love to hear from your husband on this. Maybe I am wrong, but I kinda get this feeling that hubby is agreeing to boundaries that he struggles to keep and wishes were different for some reason.

I know he can talk for himself and is on his own journey with this, but I wonder how much he doesn't want to rock the boat because he thinks you might not allow him to have sex with your girlfriend alone sometime down the road. I respect that he might be going at your pace here ChloeJane, but is that what is going on or is he in denial about what he really wants. I just get the feeling that he just sucked up his feelings, thoughts and desires to keep you happy. Maybe he thinks he will be denied all of the sex he is having if he expresses how he really feels. Men sometimes do that when it comes to sex. Hell women to. We all do sometimes when we are getting some of our needs met. It sometimes seems worth it to shelve some stuff in order to get just one need met. I don't think this is healthy in the long run. Even if it is shelved with the knowledge that it will be addressed later that is better than ignoring it I think.

Is it not possible to go off in twos sometimes and then come together in threes? When was the last time you and he connected alone sexually. This is also important to the stability and foundation of your connection with him too no? Are you interested in sex with her alone? I realize this is all new, but eventually I am wondering if this will all bust apart if the move to something more stable doesn't occur.... or is that something that you are considering but just later?
RedPepper, I wonder at your worrying, as you are one of the big advocates for going at the pace of the slowest person. I don't see that is any different for a triad, and lets say ChloeJane is the slow one here (I have no idea how the girlfriend feels, CJ hasn't said anything about her husband or gf saying that they wanted something different), it has only been a month and a half, I don't know why she needs to be changing anything at all right now.

This doesn't seem to be set up like a regular triad where the girlfriend is asking for equal status, or anybody is currently asking for equal OR one on one relationships. If anybody is wanting that, I think that's a discussion for them, but not one for outside influences to force on them because it's wrong for them to have whatever dynamic they want. I think it's up to them to be figuring out how the relationship will grow or change.

Also if CJ is chasing her husband because of all those things you listed above that he might be feeling...well that isn't living in trust at all, it's living in fear. That's worrying your partner isn't mature or aware enough to come to you with their wants or needs. I have been in the position to pursue my husband, digging and questioning for information like this, and its not fun, and it's not healthy. If her husband is dealing with all that crap, her having to coax it out of him isn't going to solve anything.

I don't think 6 weeks in to ANY relationship has everything settled yet, not sure why they cant just be happy where they are at if everybody is enjoying themselves.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
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