Originally Posted by AnnabelMore
Just a thought, it seems like boundaries are more common in primary relationships. Like, they might affect what happens in the secondary relationship(s), but their origin and purpose is usually to protect the primary relationship(s). Does that seem accurate?
Yep. Sounds about right.
Nothing wrong with it either, as long as those in secondary, or incoming positions dont feel slighted by it, and are ok with what they hear.
Even as individuals, we have boundaries, and those we date or engage with, have the right to decide if they are ok, and can respect those boundaries.
A triad or quad could have all the same boundaries for a new person too.
If you are your own primary, or have a long-standing triad that is of primary importance, it all tends to unfold the same way.
People who keep a even keel about boundaries, have the best success.
To answer this question is rather difficult for me. As a primary couple, we don`t tend to have pre-set boundaries past the safer-sex aspect of things. Usually one of us gets into a dating situation, and it becomes apparent what that particular situation warrants. We easily make it clear, hierarchy exsists. People can then decide for themselves if they care to engage.
Or, more common,..I know where I am at, and what I want or don`t want. I self-regulate. He does the same.
We have preferences I guess. We both agree we have to be careful with time, and how late into the night things go. We don`t have a casual life where we can just lock up an apartment, and go wherever we wish.
- He prefers I don`t re-connect with my ex`s.
- I prefer he doesn`t date a co-worker.
However,..under the right circumstances there is a give/take for any of it.
In one instance, a safer-sex boundary was broken, and my husband told me immediately. We then did everything necessary to make it right. It messed up our personsal sex life for awhile with barrier methods, testing, etc.
It sucked due to all the work we had to do to make it right. The flip-side of that was, we both learned (even more-so) we can count on each other for the truth, even when it`s really hard, and includes repercussions. Trust grew, it was not diminished.
The only complication has been when outside people want each of us to do something they want, that neither of us is a particular fan about. At some point you have to double check the fairness to all involved.