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Old 11-27-2011, 06:13 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

There is a sticky on boundaries isn't there? Maybe not. Used to be.

I have written about my boundaries extensively in my blog, but I am enjoying the challenge of thinking of them again. We don't really talk about it regularly any more.

We have some some DADT's going on around the sex I have with each partner. Also about the activities within that and what items we might use for that. It used to be that I shared items with PN that we acquired over the years of our marriage, but now those items are considered mine and I use them with whomever and don't talk about it. He likes it that way and so do I. I think all of my partners do.

Mono is monogamous to me and I have agreed not to pursue other relationships sexually at this time. We have an agreement that emotional connections are okay as long as they don't turn sexual. I have a boyfriend that I don't have sex with as a result and it has been VERY difficult to not have sex. I have learned a lot about my self in the three years we have been together because I have refrained. I am glad that I agreed to this, but it is wearing thin.... we are processing that.

Safe sex with others is essential and we have discussed exactly what that looks like. Derby is a nurse. She keeps me on my toes and I am grateful for that. As a result anyone that comes into our tribe would be considered a threat to our health until they and we have all been tested and all agree on what safe sex means to us.

As soon as an issue comes up that can not be taken care of by ourselves it will be addressed. Checking in with ourselves first and getting to the root of the issue for ourselves is paramount. Its important to have some knowledge of what is going on for ourselves before bringing it to the table.

Really I think that is about it.... we are all different in our dynamics and all have lives that are our own. Our primary importance is our kiddies and the family life that they have. While our needs are not put aside the kids are considered every step of the way.

Wow, I hardly ever think about any of this any more. That was hard. I don't think it is possible to convey the subtleties of all our boundaries and compromises without it sounding all serious and official. I think after a number of years we are much more relaxed and free flowing. We know each other well at this point and take everything very slowly and pace ourselves. No stone is left unturned and there is room to just be ourselves even if sometimes we feel like the other is coming from a different planet on some stuff. At this point we just let that be and love/respect/care for each other regardless.

thanks for this opportunity.
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