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Old 11-27-2011, 11:04 AM
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rory rory is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
Posts: 497

Elsewhere on the forum I came out with the fact that in my relationship with Alec there is an agreement that by some people's definition is one-penis-policy, and by other's not. I'll write something about how we got to where we are. Here's how our opening up has happened.

-- After 4 years of happy monogamous relationship life

me: "You know, I've been thinking. I feel really secure in our relationship. I trust you completely, and I know you always have my best interest at heart. I also know you love me very very much, and that you are committed to, and satisfied in a relationship with me. And I feel secure in myself: I know I'm a lovable person, and I can see why you want to be with me. There's this expectation in relationships that you're not supposed to have sex with anybody but your partner. I understand why many people want this, and I don't see any problem with it. However, I don't feel jealous at the thought of you sleeping with somebody else. So from now on, you can do that if the opportunity presents itself you feel like it."

Alec: "Well, I don't really think I would want to do that."

me: "Yeah, well, if you feel like it at some point, just so you know it's fine by me."

Alec: "Ok. You know, I haven't really thought about these things much. I don't know why it is, and it may be completely irrational, but for some reason I don't feel jealous at the thought of you having sex with another woman."

me: "You mean I could do that?"

Alec: "Yeah, if you want to it's fine by me."

me: "Wow. Well, I'm definitely interested if I get the chance."

-- 3 years of happy non-monogamous relationship life, during which I enjoy lots of kisses, some hot sexual action, and some really hot sex. Alec feels compersion about the fact that I'm enjoying myself, is satisfied in our relationship, and doesn't feel like having any sexual action with anybody else, although he kisses a female friend of his.

me: "You know this woman I travelled to see and had sex with last week? Well, I think I have feelings for her."

Alec: "That's nice, you seem really happy."

me: "I'd like to start a relationship with her and see where things go, but only if that's ok with you (and her husband)."

Alec: "I'm fine with that, I don't see why it would bother me."

me: "You realise that if we start a relationship, there is a possibility that I fall in love with her, and want to share my life with her, and spend a lot of time with her?"

Alec: "As long as you'll still want to be together with me, as well, I'm good with that."

-- (soon) 8 months of happy poly life, details of which can be read in this journal.

Now then on to the what-may-or-may-not-be-an-One-Penis-Policy. Anybody see why that feels completely irrelevant to me? First, I was completely satisfied in a monogamous relationship when I was in one. I never needed any freedoms for myself. Second, I am so very happy and satisfied with what I have. I feel blessed. I really appreciate Alec for being willing to walk through opening up to poly with me even as he has no interest in being in another relationship himself. He really puts my happiness on the same level as his own, without compromising too much on his own well-being, and that is one reason I love him.

Now, there is also the aspect that my sexuality has been going through changes, that is, I'm steadily moving towards 6 on Kinsey scale. Right now, if I weren't in a loving sexual relationship with a man, I would class myself as a lesbian. But even though that's pretty relevant, it's still irrelevant, since openness was never a need for me.

Last edited by rory; 11-27-2011 at 11:39 AM.
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